The Party at the End of the World

"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die" ~proverb

"What's a discreet late arrival?" asked Louie, picking at the leaves of a nearby plant. He'd been torn between standing by the door to his apartments, sitting on the lawn, and lying on his bed, and had finally settled on lying on the lawn while staring at the door.

Bolger shrugged. "Means late."

"Well, it's alright for you," said Louie. "You don't have to go to this thing."

"Bolger going."

"Really?" replied Louie. "I wish you'd told me before. At least now I know I'll have someone to talk to."

"You stupid."

"What?" said Louie.

"No talking," said Bolger. "Servant stuff. Want food, whatever, so take gencard."

"Oh," said Louie. "Well, at least you'll be there."

There was a knock at the door. Louie jumped up, but Bolger got there first and let in a servant. There was a brief conversation between the two Taurogians, Louie picked up the present, and then they were off. Louie felt understandably nervous after Mr Mynana's warning, and, apart from that, he had no real idea what he was going to do at the party. Whenever his parents threw one, Louie had been bored stiff, and had generally gone to his room to read or listen to music. Maybe he wouldn't have to stay long.

They took a new route through the house so as to reach the main entrance to Mr Mynana's apartments. They emerged from the guest-area fairly near the front door, which stood open at the end of a low, wide corridor to their left. To their right, the passage ended suddenly, emerging onto a deep veranda. Beyond that was a large garden, delicately illuminated by a series of elaborate lanterns on intricate stands. The initial impression was of light, sedate movement and a low murmur of conversation.

It was hard to see more, since Louie's view was blocked by the arrival of two other guests. He couldn't be certain from the back, but he was fairly sure they were Stoths, like the crew of the Vidor. They were accompanied by a trio of Taurogians - servants probably. He wondered if there would be any locals there as guests.

As the Stoths walked onto the veranda, they were greeted by a tall, elaborately dressed alien resembling a dark-blue, pot-bellied lobster. After a moment's conversation, it turned back to the room to announce the group's arrival.

"Nwoo and Rgar, seventh and fourteenth of Torf Holdings," it said, clearly and formally, but with a slight flourish at the end. It all looked a bit over the top to Louie. He wondered if the ugly sisters and Cinderella were here yet, or perhaps the White Rabbit.

Then it was his own turn to approach. Louie swallowed and made his way forward. The alien's resemblance to a lobster was slightly lessened close up. He'd thought it had a pair of claws, but, on inspection, they were actually a series of closely-packed, flexible tendrils, arrayed like fans on either side of long, bony arms. It looked quite a clever arrangement, and Louie wondered if anything on Earth had developed a similar setup. The alien made its way towards him and bowed delicately.

"Hi," said Louie. "I'm Louie Gage."

"Do you have an official designation," it asked. Its mouth, rather disconcertingly, appeared to be on top of its head, surrounded by a small garden of long, thin antennae.

"I don't think so," said Louie. "I'm just a guest of Mr Mynana's, but..."

The alien held up an appendage to silence him and then turned away. "Louie Gage," it announced. "Independent and without portfolio."

And with that, clutching his present, Louie walked in to the party.

The wide veranda stretched to either side, ending on the left in an area set aside for food and drink preparation. It was exclusively occupied by Taurogians who were collecting trays to take to individual guests elsewhere. To the right, the veranda turned a corner to surround another side of the central gardens. Louie was fairly sure that the other two walls of the grounds enclosed Mr Mynana's private apartments. These were now shuttered and closed off.

Where the two arms of the veranda met, the space widened into a large square, and Mr Mynana was hovering in the centre of this, surrounded by a small huddle of guests.

Louie wondered why his host hadn't taken pride of place in the centre of the gardens. Perhaps it might have seemed undignified - Mr Mynana's resemblance to an ornament or sculpture was extreme enough without plonking him down in the middle of a bunch of plants and fountains. Besides, what if it rained?

Milling about was a fairly overwhelming crowd. It wasn't the numbers so much as the diversity. Louie had already spotted at least three types of alien that he'd never seen before, as well as two that he had. He was disappointed that, as far as he could tell, there were no kima-kuruka. Louie wondered if he ought to go and say hello to Mr Mynana, but the thought of just barging into the middle of the group gathered around him was unnerving.

Louie watched the two Stoths ahead of him to see what they did, but that was no help. They suddenly called out to a root-like alien that was making its way through the garden on an array of thick, trunk-like, legs. Within a moment, they were strolling towards it, stepping off the veranda onto a neat pathway edged by low bushes.

Louie looked at Bolger.

"I'm really not allowed to talk to you?" he asked.

"Only for food and stuff."

"Okay - can I have some water?" said Louie, and then he whispered, "do you have any idea what I'm supposed to do now?"

Bolger looked at Louie and then at the party. "I get water," he said and hurried off.

Louie watched him reach the food area, where he started talking to a couple of other Taurogians who were using the machines. One of them hurried off and quickly returned with a third, who looked at Louie and then joined in the conversation. Eventually, some sort of resolution was reached and Bolger returned to his side.

"You forgot the water," said Louie.

Bolger grunted and made to head back.

"No, stop," said Louie. "I wasn't serious - I'm not even thirsty. What was all that about with the others?"

"Found you someone to talk to - I show you."

"Do you think I ought to say hello to Mr Mynana first?" asked Louie.

"Sure, maybe," said Bolger. "Whatever, stop talking to me, okay?"

Louie nodded and made his way along the veranda. The group surrounding Mr Mynana wasn't tightly packed - a polite huddle rather than a scrum - but he waited at the edge rather than barging in. The crowd wasn't fixed, but ebbed and flowed as individuals left and entered the immediate vicinity of their host. For the most part, like Louie, they had come to pay their respects before moving off to other areas of the party.

Eventually, an alien wearing what appeared to be an old-fashioned diving suit, frosted with condensation and venting little puffs of sulphurous gas, moved aside, clanking and wheezing, and Louie found himself directly in front of Mr Mynana.

"Ah," said his host. "Mr Gage, how pleasant to see you again."

"You too," said Louie. "It looks like a great party."

"Appearances can be deceiving," said Mr Mynana. "But perhaps you were just being polite?"

A squat, toad-like alien wearing bits of armour was watching the exchange with mild curiosity. "So this is your secret house-guest, Mr Mynana?" it said.

"My dear Loren," replied their host. "He can hardly be described as a secret if even you were aware of his presence."

The alien grunted and turned to face Louie. "Loren Cer, first of Loren shipping."

"Err... Louie Gage, independent and without something or other," said Louie.

Loren gave Louie a long, hard look and then turned away with an impatient shrug. "So you'll think about my proposal?" it said to Mr Mynana.

"Oh, I think about many things, Loren," said Mr Mynana. "Including a certain shipment from Chard that has been unaccountably delayed."

"I'll look into it," replied Loren.

"Oh, please don't trouble yourself - I have made my own enquiries, which needless to say have been thorough and revealing... Now, please don't let me keep you a moment longer."

And so dismissed, Loren Cer made his way towards a group at the far end of the veranda.

"A shame, really," said Mr Mynana to Louie. "His proposal had promise, but I really can't be doing business with people who mistake me for an idiot. Apart from anything else, it is indicative of a certain intellectual deficiency on their part."

"Isn't it good to be underestimated?" asked Louie. "I mean, in business?"

"By competitors, perhaps," said Mr Mynana. "But Loren was suggesting a joint-enterprise, and I prefer not to be associated with fools. Besides, he leaves damp patches everywhere. Mucus, I hope, but even mucus must be cleaned up."

Some other guests overheard the exchange and laughed - or what Louie assumed was laughter, since it was a mix of hoots, hisses and growls.

"Now, Mr Gage, I have probably taken up far too much of your time, and you've certainly taken up too much of mine. Go forth and mingle."

"Oh, right," said Louie. "Well, see you later. Oh, I nearly forgot, happy birthday." He held out the present, feeling a little foolish, and looked for somewhere to put it.

"Presents?" hissed a petulant voice from somewhere behind him. "I didn't know we were meant to bring presents. Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Happy birthday?" said Mr Mynana, sounding distinctly puzzled. "A quaint notion, but I must confess..."

"Well, the invitation said we were celebrating your arrival, and... oh..." said Louie, finally realising, and wishing he'd thought to check. "You meant your arrival on Taurog?"

"Indeed. However, it may be my birthday for all I know, and I have no objection to presents - I was once given an entire planet. Unwrap your offering."

Louie could feel several sets of eyes on him. What had seemed like a reasonable joke a few hours ago now felt stupid and rude. He peeled off the paper and presented the contents to his host. A pair of decorative shoes, Taurogian in size, made of supple red leather.

A terrible silence fell that seemed to last forever, and then a slow rumble began, building and building in volume and intensity. Mr Mynana was laughing. "Louie Gage, you are a scoundrel and a rogue. Now, go and torment some other poor soul."

A relieved Louie withdrew from the group around his host and looked for Bolger. He saw him standing next to one of the pillars and headed over, pausing to let two aliens deep in conversation walk past. One was the creature in the diving suit he had seen earlier. The second looked more like a mobile stomach than anything else - a squat, glistening bag, dragging itself along on a series of stumpy tentacles. A thick tube protruded from its top, pulsing and flexing as it complained to the diving-suit about ship-maintenance fees in a bubbly rasp. It had a single, rather shapeless eye embedded in its main body, wobbling like an undercooked egg. Louie tried not to stare and carried on towards the servant.

He passed another huddle of guests, who were all busy talking about someone being over-leveraged and under-diversified, whatever that meant. The general tone seemed to be either crowing about their own successes or gloating about someone else's failure.

"Everyone's just talking about business," he whispered when he reached Bolger. "Even if it wasn't so boring, I still wouldn't know what to say."

Bolger didn't reply apart from a cursory grunt. Instead he led Louie out into the garden and pointed at a figure on the far side who seemed to be examining an ornamental pool of water.

"Is that the one you think I should talk to?" asked Louie. Bolger nodded and beckoned Louie on.

"Are you sure I won't have to know about stocks and shares or anything?"

"Why still talk to me?" snapped Bolger, rather loudly. He obviously startled himself, for he glanced around hurriedly to check no one had heard his rebuke. No one was close, except for a single Taurogian musician on a small stage. Louie didn't think much of the noise the musician was making, but at least it had helped mask Bolger's outburst. The servant relaxed and gave Louie a look of total exasperation.

"No business," said Bolger as calmly as he could. "Idiot too."

"What?" said Louie.

"Idiot like you," said Bolger. "Say to others, 'my one is idiot, any other idiots?', they say that one."

"I bet you didn't really call me an idiot."

"What else call you?" replied Bolger. "Now go talk to other idiot, okay?"

Louie saluted, which made Bolger look around again in panic, and then he headed off towards the figure by the pool.

It was leaning over, staring into the water and lazily stirring it with the fingers of one hand while the other held a tall glass of golden liquid. Louie could see flashing copper-coloured shapes moving just beneath the surface, and he went closer to look.

"Are they fish?" he asked.

"I sincerely hope so or they're in an awful lot of trouble," said the alien, turning to face Louie. "Actually, they're in a lot of trouble anyway - a little joke on the part of our host, I think."

"What do you mean?" asked Louie.

"They're Hurf coin-fish unless I'm very much mistaken - which I'm not by the way - and since a Hurf would chop off its own foot rather than pass up the chance of eating them, it's a bit unfortunate that there's one here tonight."

Louie looked around. "Which one?"

"Over there," said the alien. "An odious little creep called Loren Cer."

"Ah," said Louie. "I think he tried to rob Mr Mynana - something about a delayed shipment."

"That would explain it - and you are?"

"Louie," said Louie. "Louie Gage, intermittent and without... no, wait, that's not right. Oh hell, now I've forgotten the first bit as well."

"Independent and without portfolio, I would imagine. It's a polite way of saying 'I'm a complete nobody'," said the alien, and it held out a hand. "Vyn Lero, the Emperor of Orgec."

"An emperor - really?" said Louie, shaking hands.

"Oh goodness, no," replied Vyn. "I mean, apart from anything else, have you ever been to Orgec? Ghastly place. Always raining and smells like a toilet. No, I'm a Harburgian and a complete nonentity like you - I only came because of my stomach."

This last remark rather surprised Louie, since Vyn was the skinniest alien he had ever seen. In fact, 'skinny' didn't even come close to describing the skeletal form in front of him. Tight, pale-pink, waxy skin was stretched over a tall, narrow frame, and where Louie would have expected to see a stomach, there was nothing but a hollow cavity.

Indeed, despite having the same number of arms and legs as Louie, Vyn's whole appearance was fairly outlandish. Large, but rather ornate teeth seemed to have given up the battle of trying to stay inside a mouth that was clearly too small for them, and had positioned themselves on the outside, arrayed like delicate tusks. The nose - a hollow cavity like the inside of an old church - was almost a welcome distraction. However, although it looked like it might be quite fun to pick, it was a slightly disturbing object to have to keep staring at.

All of this was set into a skull-like head that looked like it had been carved from soap rather than grown, and Vyn's whole body was festooned with enough jewellery to open a shop. A long embroidered cloak, arranged in a series of intricate loops and folds, was the only item of clothing, and finished off the flamboyant spectacle.

For a while, the pair chatted amiably. Louie looked around, hoping to see some kima-kuruka, but there were still none in sight, and he asked Vyn if there were likely to be any turning up later.

"I doubt it," replied Vyn "They have no more interest in business than I do. Have you met some of them then?"

Louie told Vyn about the encounter in the off-world quarter.

"How many were there?" asked the alien.

"I'm not sure," said Louie, trying to remember. "Why?"

"They always stick together in multiples of three."

"What for?"

"No one really knows," said Vyn. "They're a fairly secretive race and keep to themselves for the most part. Something about 'a hand to hold the sword' is the most that anyone's got out of them. Now, I really must find something scrumptious to eat."

"Is the food good here, then?" asked Louie. "I thought it all just came from the machines."

"Oh, Mr Mynana always provides a few bespoke delicacies," said Vyn. "My other half is hoping for some fresh muel. Tactful enquiries are being made."

"You're married then?"

"My, you do say frightening things," said Vyn, shivering theatrically. "No, I'm glad to say that my delightful ancestors took one look at the rest of the universe's scandalous behaviour and quickly made alternative arrangements... Ah, now unless I'm mistaken, the much anticipated muel approaches."

Louie turned round to see a Taurogian coming towards them, carrying a tray one-handed, which was piled with slices of pale meat, each pierced with a delicate copper skewer.

"Trog, my sweet," said Vyn, addressing the Taurogian. "Would you mind if I was very naughty and had one now?"

Trog, with a flourish, whipped out an empty bowl from behind his back and, rather disconcertingly, held it inside the hollow cavity in Vyn's abdomen. Vyn, for his part, stretched out a languid hand and took one of the pieces of skewered meat and popped it into his mouth, before chewing delicately and swallowing. A moment later, the pulped remains dropped into the bowl. Louie gaped, feeling a combination of confusion, fascination and disgust.

"We do like a good stare, don't we, my dear?" said an amused Vyn, who then took a sip from its glass, only to have the liquid join the muel in the bowl a moment later.

"Sorry," apologised Louie, feeling rather flustered. "It's just... what... I mean, where's your stomach?"

"Why? Are you keen to meet them?" said Vyn, as Trog removed the bowl. "I assure you, they're a terrible bore. Non-stop grumbling about business. I'm always telling it, 'look, if it upsets you, why don't you do something else', but if a stomach doesn't want to listen, well, what can you do?"

"You talk to your stomach?"

"Well, occasionally. It tends to disagree with me, so we stick to the social pleasantries on the whole... Ah, here it comes - no doubt the smell of muel is responsible."

Louie followed Vyn's gaze and saw the glistening bag he'd overheard earlier complaining about maintenance fees making its way towards them across the garden.

"Erman, dear," said Vyn. "Look what darling Trog has found for us - yummy muel."

"You ate some," said the stomach, rather crossly. "Without me. And don't call me 'dear' and don't call Trog 'darling', and don't call muel 'yummy'."

"My, aren't we grumpy this evening," replied Vyn, with apparent indifference. "I had one little piece, just to check it was fresh and tasty. Now, hop in and I'll feed you the best bits. Maybe it'll cheer you up."

Vyn knelt down and the stomach climbed into the empty cavity. Its stubby tentacles grappled onto the sides, and the throat-like tube quested around, before attaching itself with a wet smack to some opening hidden in the upper reaches of Vyn's chest.

Vyn stood and helped himself to another piece of muel and then looked at Louie with hooded deep-brown eyes, amused and friendly. "I think you might be staring again."

Louie laughed. For all the alien's oddity, he liked Vyn. Behind the flamboyance, Louie sensed a genuine warmth. "I really can't help it. Are you and your stomach even the same species?"

"Gracious me, no," said Vyn. "As I keep telling everyone, it's purely symbiotic. But now you've got me curious. You don't know what Hurfs looks like, you don't know what Harburgians look like - just where are you from, Louie Gage, independent and without portfolio?"

"Earth," said Louie. "I got marooned on Jormungand and now I'm just trying to get home."

"More muel," said a muffled voice. Vyn gave the stomach a gentle pat and took another slice of meat.

"So you're an exotic," said Vyn.

"What's an exotic?"

"Someone from outside the known systems," explained Vyn. "And what do you do with your time, Louie, when you're not getting lost and staring at aliens?"

"I'm a student," said Louie. "So, the normal stuff, I guess. Maths, history, geography, singing."

"Singing?"

"The school choir," explained Louie. "My mum said I had to do something musical if I wanted any pocket money, and singing meant I didn't have to learn an instrument."

"How very wise," said Vyn. "I never undertake anything that can't be mastered in an afternoon. So, let us shoo that noisy oaf from the stage and you can warble for us."

"What!?" said a very startled Louie. "Absolutely no way!"

"But I insist," said Vyn. "Hopefully you'll be terrible and there'll be a scandal. Come - your audience awaits."

Before Louie knew what was happening, Vyn had him by the hand and was striding across the garden towards the small stage. The musician watched their approach nervously.

"My dear," said Vyn to the hapless Taurogian. "I'm sure your family think you're an absolutely dream. I, however, have ears, and am consequently less inclined to be charitable."

Vyn held out a hand and helped the bemused creature to step down.

"The stage is yours, Louie Gage."

A small crowd of aliens were now gathering nearby to observe the proceedings. Louie felt himself go bright red. "I really can't do this," he whispered.

"Of course you can," said Vyn. "Just imagine you're naked - or is it the audience? I would feel at ease under either circumstances, so it's hard to be certain."

And suddenly, Louie found himself standing in the middle of the small stage. He wondered if it would be more or less embarrassing to pretend to faint. Whatever he was going to do, he'd better do it soon. He took a breath and closed his eyes for a moment.

Louie was a reasonable tenor, although the choir-master might have noticed a slight tremor in his voice that evening, at least for the first few notes. Normally he sang in harmony, but at the last concert he had performed, somewhat reluctantly, a solo folk-song. No one here would understand the words, but he didn't suppose it mattered...

And so Louie began...

Fare thee well my own true love
And farewell for a while.
I'm going away, but I'll be back
If I go ten thousand miles.

Ten thousand miles, my own true love,
Ten thousand miles or more,
And the rocks may melt and the seas may burn,
If I should not return.

Oh don't you see that lonesome dove,
Sitting on an ivy tree,
She's weeping for her own true love
Just as I shall weep for mine

And fare thee well my own true love
And farewell for a while.
I'm going away, but I'll be back
If I go ten thousand miles.

Louie finished. He thought it had gone alright, but for all he knew it might have sounded like a cat-fight to alien ears. Certainly everyone was very quiet...

And then the noise started - a chaotic mix of sound that at first had Louie looking around anxiously for some sign of trouble. Vyn stepped forward.

"They're applauding you, my dear Louie," said Vyn. "And rightly so - that was absolutely charming."

Louie took a nervous bow and stepped off the stage, feeling self-conscious and shaky. "Don't ever make me do that again," he whispered.

"Oh, I never make promises I have no intention of keeping."

Louie grinned. "I'm just going to get something to drink." He headed off to find Bolger and spotted him with some other Taurogians on the veranda. Bolger saw him coming and broke away from the group.

"Okay singing," whispered the Taurogian when he reached him. "For an idiot maybe."

"Oh, thank you so much," said Louie sarcastically. "Can you get me some water? I'd get it myself, but you'd only shout at me."

Bolger nodded and headed off towards the food area. A moment later, Louie was prodded in the small of his back. He turned around to find another Taurogian looking up at him.

"Mr Mynana wants to compliment you," it said.

"Oh - alright," said Louie, a little nervously. He was rather enjoying the attention, but felt that Mr Mynana's suggestion to keep a low profile had been rather ignored. "I'll just tell Bolger where to find me."

He turned back and went after his servant, who was half-way to the serving area. There was a splash from the garden, and Louie glanced over. It looked as though Loren Cir had jumped into the coin-fish pond. Louie smiled and walked on. He was rather enjoying himself. He had nearly reached Bolger when several things all seemed to happen at the same time.

First of all, there must have been a photographer somewhere near, because the brightest flash Louie had ever seen suddenly went off.

The awful heat and the blast of wind and noise were the next things that happened. At the same time, something struck him hard in the chest, winding him. It felt like he'd been hit with a bag of wet sand.

A moment later, Louie, to his surprise, found himself lying on his back on a hard surface. His head was hurting a lot, as well as one of his legs, and his first thought was that he must have fainted again, and he wondered why.

His ears were ringing and he was in a surprising amount of pain, but it didn't seem to matter too much. On the whole, he felt fairly calm, although he wished there wasn't so much shouting going on.

There was something rather soft and heavy lying on his stomach and he looked down, mostly out of curiosity. It appeared to be Bolger, but one side of his head was missing as well as most of his body, which seemed very strange.

He would have spent more time trying to solve the puzzle of the thing that looked like Bolger, but the leg was really starting to hurt very badly. He couldn't see it because of the Bolger-thing, but one of his arms still seemed to work, so he felt towards the area of the most pain. His fingers found an odd sharp-ended stick protruding from his thigh, and that seemed to be the cause of the problem, so he tugged on it, but that just seemed to make things worse.

There were a lot of very strange people looking at him, and it would be very nice if they went away. Someone must have heard him, because they all suddenly started to go. Someone also seemed to be turning off the lights, which was also nice. His leg had stopped hurting as well.

Everything was going to be okay.

Louie closed his eyes.